


XVII. Playing for High Stakes

by causeimdifferent



Series: Wanted [17]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Angst, Love, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-17
Updated: 2014-07-17
Packaged: 2018-02-09 07:00:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1973328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/causeimdifferent/pseuds/causeimdifferent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jimmy is at stake.<br/>So Thomas puts his cards on the table.</p><p>(And Carson plays foul. Somewhat.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	XVII. Playing for High Stakes

The sun is barely up as Thomas returns to Grantham House.

As is Carson, who wears rings under his eyes that are even darker than Thomas’s.

"Just know that I’m here for you, alright? If you really do lose that job of yours, you have a place to stay",

Philip told Thomas after he failed to convince him to spend the rest of the night together.

 _"_ I need to keep an eye out for Jimmy", Thomas said, instead of a good-bye.

Yet his kiss carried the promise of reunion.

On his way home Thomas almost got run over by a bus.

 

Carson sits behind the table in his office and withers the notice of resignation with a look, he usually reserves for burnt toast and cockroaches.

Thomas just scribbled it in a hurry.

“I am very reluctant to accept this”, the butler says.

_Stop being nice, I can’t cry any more in front of you._

“Well, _you_ said, it’s impossible to keep us both.”

Carson meets Thomas's gruff tone with raised brows.

“As mentioned before, it needn’t be _you_ who is leaving.”

“You said yourself I’d always be trouble. Be glad you get rid of me at last.”

“I believe you are forgetting to think straight over trying to be a knight in shining armour for James.”

“Perhaps.”

“Is this worth giving up the future you still have here, if you want it?”

Tears are prickling behind Thomas's eyes.

_You caught me doing something that must make you feel sick to stomach and yet ..._

"Mr. Carson - why are you so intent on giving me a second chance?"

"Rather the third or fourth, is it not?"

_Yes. So why, indeed?  
_

“You provide way more support to me, than James will ever be able to, in all likelihood."

 "I'm convinced he will try really hard in the future."

"I am distinctly less optimistic in that respect, than you are, Thomas." _  
_

 _Isn't your issue rather, that it was him you caught with a cock in his mouth and not me?_ _  
_

"You might believe your actions to be romantic, Thomas, but there are limits as to what one should do out of infatuation. I doubt, James deserves that kind of sacrifice.”

_Love is the main reason._

_But also a guilty conscience._

_For loving Philip, too._

"Please, Mr. Carson, he has no one out there."

 

  
“Don’t you think, James is quite capable of looking after himself?”

“Yes, but at what price.”

“What is _that_ supposed to mean?”

Thomas bites down.

_If that’s what it takes, so be it._

_I’ll be gone soon, anyways and never need to look Carson in the eyes again._

_Or he in mine._

“Mr Carson, Jimmy is … a good-looking lad ….”

“I’m only too aware of you holding that opinion, Thomas.”

“That’s not the point …”

“Well, then come to the point, will you?”

“What I am trying to say is, that … he’s rather insecure underneath all his bravado. I know ... from personal experience ..., that someone like him is at quite some risk to …, well, resort to questionable measures to keep his head above the water. There are enough types out there who are just waiting for his kind. Especially in the city.”

_Diplomatically put.  
_

“I don’t understand.”

_Too diplomatic, it appears._

“Believe me you don't want me to be any more graphic, Mr. Carson. You'd be revolted.”

 _Now that should bring home the message_.

It does.

Carson clears his throat.

 _And now you're thinking_ : 'And _why again would_ you _know?'_

 

_  
He will gladly let you go, if you tell him. And keep Jimmy. Someone has to do the work, after all._

“I’ve been there”, Thomas says, his voice flat at the memory. Which is not as faded as he hoped it would be.

“You have been … _where_?”

“Before I entered service, I’ve … My father kicked me out when I was 14. With no means. I had to survive. And sometimes that’s what it took. I mean, I was not doing it _professionally_. Just if nothing else …

Carson stares at him, aghast.

"Believe me, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Especially not Jimmy", Thomas continues.

“You never told me.”

Thomas issues an exasperated laugh.

“Mr. Carson – you’d never have given me a chance in this house, if you had even known a fraction of my past.”

“But you came with a very good reference”, Carson says, puzzled.

“Yes. And it was earned. _Respectably_ earned. It’s just - I would not have gotten that first position if not for good luck and …”

_Oh, shut it. He really needn’t know everything._

“ … and some more good luck.”

  
  
“I’m … shocked”, Carson says.

_Naturally. And now kick me out.  
_

“I always thought you were simply unpleasant by nature."

Carson's features soften with unexpected understanding:

"But you were … scared. Scared to be found out.”

Thomas swallows hard.

“I was.”

_And ashamed._

_Of what I'd done - and of wanting you to like me so pathetically bad._

Carson sighs.

 

“Will you keep Jimmy, if he apologizes?"

“How long has this been going on between the two of you?”

“Not long. And really, he’ll grow out of it …”

_Yah, sure. But worth a try._

“Last night was only the second time, that we had actually …”

“Alright, alright, enough”, Carson cuts Thomas short, his face crinkled with distaste.

 _You_ did _ask._

 

The butler’s eyes are beginning to wander with contemplation.

The fingers of his right hand start drumming on the table top.

_Talk._

_"_ Please, Mr. Carson ..."

“I would consider letting him stay on – but it appears, he has other plans.”

“What?”

“James was even more determined to hand in his notice than you were.”

“What?!”  
  
 _And why exactly are you telling me this only_ after _I got down on my knees? Is that your idea of punishment?_

“He was waiting in front of my office earlier. I believe he is already packing.”


End file.
